failure..is not an option.

Growing old is mandatory, and growing up isn’t always easy. This year, I celebrated my birthday during the fasting month of Ramadhan. Hope it brings more barakah :). There are so many decisions to make at this time in your life and so many changes with family and friends. People treat you like a child in some ways, but expect you to act like an adult in others. And to overcome all of the pressures that keep on coming in, you need your friends.

I feel very grateful to have wonderful friends around me. Thank you all for the birthday wishes, whether you remember it by heart, or you set it in your phone reminder or whether Friendster’s birthday reminders told you so. Hehe. I had a great time with Syazerq, Anat, Miok and Jett at Dominos and we ate like monsters! Hahahaha. Just before that, we met Pcha there and thot of inviting her to join us but she came there with her parents. So we hugged, snapped some pics and then bye bye. We continued melantak-ing until it was almost 8 then we rushed to perform our solah. After Isyak, Jett went back to UM with her UM friends, Anat went back by taxi. Alone (OMG x prcaye gell!). And Miok and Syazerq followed me to UKM. Big YEAY. So im not alone. But if they weren’t following pun, I still have my matric friend who’ll be going back to UKM as well. I might just go back with him kot. To Anat, merci beaucoup pour the birthday present. Increases my the-thing-you-know-what collection. (Alaa the thing which comes together with the top!!! BAAHAHAA). And to Syazerq, Mr.Sponge has been keeping its eyes on me every single time I study/sleep/etc. Thanxo mucho babe. Oh not forgetting Pey, thank you very much for the choc and cookies. Sgt sedap. It was very nice of you to come the other night. (Padahal xdela jauh sgt pun kan!!! Hehehe). Oh btw, I didn’t get to distribute my birthday cake to everyone as we’re fasting during the day kan. But anyway, thanks to you Abg Jai for the black forest cake you got me from Starbucks and to Kak Dee for the oreo cheese you got me from Secret Recipe. Penat ku menghabiskannya! Gagagaa

Growing up isn’t THAT bad. No matter what happens, the trick is to just be yourself. Because the hardest thing in the world is to be something you’re not. But afterall, life isn’t about if you have lots of friends or if you’re alone. And it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn’t about that. But it’s about who you love and who you hurt; and it’s about how you feel about yourself – what you say or what you mean. So, appreciate life while you still can. You’ll still find something that you treasure along the way. Selamat Berpuasa everyone

Avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, building confidence.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUDDS. SWEET 19.

Leading factors and co-factors.

numero uno) I was removed from the FF list

               2) My laptop’s screen turns white each time i open it (and now tengah hantar reapair)                

               3) I have to submit my politic assignment by this wednesday (and as i said,laptop BUAT HAL!)

               4) My ptptn isnt settle yet (while every other people dah start berjoli with half the money kot)

               5) I lost my phone (yea i thot i was.but then i dialled my number and thank god,i actually dropped it in my friend’s car when she gave me a lift from fssk to za’ba.fuh nak nanges!)

               6) My favourite stripy boxer bau minyak gamat sbb tertumpah while i was putting minyak gamat on my kaki yang luka. (kaki luka is one of the factors too!)

               7) I was removed from the FF list. (oh,have i stated it as my numero uno?)

               8) I was removed from the FF list.

               9) I was removed from the FF list.

              10) I was removed!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGH.

Hwargghh.today is the day-when-everything-went-wrong pour moi! nothing can make me force a smile on this face and yea,i am stressed out and worried.and i dont know.i have no idea.seriously.

Jika kita terlalu banyak befikir, kita akan semakin tidak tahu apa yang kita fikirkan. Tapi, saya perlu berfikir. Walaupun orang tak tahu apa yang saya fikirkan, yang penting saya sendiri tahu. Orang lain tu, menyibuk je kau orang. Bluekkk.

To anyone (actually someone,KOT) please stop judging people.ure kinda telling everyone around what a narrow-minded people u are.just act normal la.dont act like u care,when most of the time,u dont.stop being hypocrites lah.STOP.STOP.STOP.

*haihhh i think i gila already.*

i dont understand me.

i dont understand you more.

i hate you.

i hate you like i hate arctic monkeys.

i dont really know if it’s really right.ive been telling myself to stay calm and focus.it has been almost a week.now i know i will never want to be a 2nd intaker again.it’s real hard yknow.when u have to get used to everything slow mow-ly while every other people zooms like a bullet train.but i am grateful somehow.no im not regretting anything here.it’s just that i dont feel good.i cried,like every night.because im confused.i dont know whether im making the right decision or not.im talking about my future here.im all confused.plus ukm is so damn big i cant get to see my friends without any transport.i didnt even get to see ieda,nods,nisa and zille yet.except for chupex.yea thats because we’re staying in the same college.thank God i have her.(GO ZA’BA!hahaaha).but i dont care about that.all that matter is the feeling when i go to each classes i attended.it’s different when u usually go to lectures and learn how to understand the algebraic concept + calculus thingy,memorise all physics formulas and to understand the chemical reactions of solutions formed..but now u DONT.i know afterall,this kind of line is all i ever wanted.but i dont think im ready.to tell the truth..im worried.the biggest reason is,the PEOPLE there.i mean,in my faculty.it’s hard to find a science matric student because most of them are stpm students and from asasi law uitm.so they have basics and kinda know everything.(not everything,but during lectures they already know what those people are teaching!).yalaaa what do they expect?i didnt learn all that during my matrix time ok.so i was worried.and scared.and started thinking unbeneficial things.it leads me to calling my mom at night.and sometimes,cried before i go to sleep.it’s weird because i was never like this.yea,NEVER.my roomate usually sleeps at 9.30-10.00 pm.and after that,i live with my music.i kinda dont have anyone to talk to and then i started meng-emo2 kan diri.thats the part when pressure comes.and thats where small things suddenly become real big and all that.but thanks to my 6288 i can still call or at least send an at-least-3-pages text message telling people how miserable my life at that moment.so,xdelah jiwa kacau sangat when u get to share your problems with anyone kan.thanks friends.u know who u are.im so tensed up.hahHHHhHhh!my mom tell me not to be susah hati and all that.but i cant stop it.i just dont know why!and it’s all about my new learning subjects.it’s like,kau seorang berperang berhadapan beramai ramai org.not berperang,but they dont know what my situation is.all the said was ‘laa dulu mtrix ke,kitorg stpm..ni adik laa ni’,'haa?dulu pure science?btul ke nk tuka?’,'oo dulu awk mmg xde blaja subject ni kan??’.hahh.putting on my nerves.but whatever.i know im going to be okay nanti.insyaAllah.i hope i WILL.i will just have to be strong.and believe in Allah.i always remind myself to have faith and think that Allah is always there.it makes me breathe eventho sometimes it doesnt really works.so at this moment,my head is full of i-dont-know-what.oh and everyone knows how cacat my taste towards guy kan?syazerq?nayd?anat?peeps?nayd laa especially.always condemned me for liking weird people.weird as in,i told u hes cute but in my definition of cute!cacat.bajet nerd.gila.type of guy kan.but now even worse.i like someone else’s bf.hahh then anat said liking someone else’s bf is a n0-no (but syazerq said the other way woi!haha).ala no worries.i know my limits.ill never do stupid things insyaAllah.jaga pride tu penting!!!!!yea wutever.now ive to be on track and settle down things.do pray for me aite friends.only the tough will survive.and i know,i am, THE TOUGH.gagaga.toodles.

You ever look at your picture of yourself and see a stranger on the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people’s life have we been in. Were we apart of someone’s life when their dream came true? Or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there. Or did the shot take us by surprise…

–Lucas Scott, Senior Year.

While i was on my way back from Kedah to Seremban, i was looking through the car’s window as it passed Kolej Matrikulasi Pulau Pinang. A sudden thoughts of my previous college popped into my mind. Well it was kinda funny when it came to think of it because 2 days ago, while im on my way to Sg Petani, KMPP seemed so quite like it has been haunted or something. U cant possibly find a single creature called human in that place. (only the pak guards maybe, i dont know). But as for the day, i can see clearly there’re like hundreds of cars,canopy tents and the field were definitely crowded, full of people. It was exactly the same condition/atmosphere when i first registered to KMNS approximately 1 year 1 day ago. It was on the 15th of may 2006 and today is the 16th of May 2007. The new batch is registering. How time flies. It has been 26 days since i left that place and i cant believe that im actually out of it. Well thats the whole fact i guess. But there’s just so many things for me to really turn back and smile. During the first few days in matrix, i hated that place as much as i could. But hey, the reasons are logical. During the orientation week, the place was like hell and we dont even have time to take our meals and the facilitators were absolutely annoying. (well, some of them were). I started to have intentions on appealing other places to continue my study, but for the record.. i survived! Woohoo. And it wasnt that bad actually. But it was totally different from my previous college and its pretty obvious that i do have guys in my class, after 11 years of all-girls skool. (but i didnt get culture shock ok? saye smart.mwahahaha) The learning process is more like the varsity-style. U know what im saying? Afterall, matrix is a pre-U so it actually got us to be more prepared to the life when we’re at the university soon. The best part, ive made many friends along the way. And then, i learnt that there’s just too many kinds of people in this world. Believe it or not, most of the times the sweet-talkers ARE the backstabbers! Hahaa. But thank god my friends are nice (i hope they arent two-faced). My roomates (plus bdk bilik depan skali.hehe), LDK mates, PJD mates, kuliah mates, my pracmates and to all the people i befriend with, whether i like u or NOT (this goes to farizul haziq, an old story! mwahaha), i miss all of u. And seriously, this comes from here. *points to the heart*. Im close to my roomates, what do u expect? U see them everytime ure going to sleep and the moment u open your eyes in the morning right. Hah and im quite close to my classmates too. Very. There’re just 19 people in my class (actual number was 26.but they went to other place to study) so i think dats why we’re quite close to each other. Even though they are all ROSAK ROSAK BELAKA. Haaha. We’ve been through ups and downs together. Thank god for the relationships and ill cherish it till the last O2 i breathe. To tell u the truth now, i was happy to be there. Who knows, the place that i hated so much in the first place could turn out to be really cool u know. Sometimes life just gets unexpected. Another lesson learnt here. Dont judge on something and make fake assumptions towards something u never try. Afterall, it might be worthy. God is always Fair right?

"Di sini wajah mu nan megah

Lahir generasi berilmu

Berfikiran positif berkemahiran

Menjana kejayaan

Tingkatkan nilai modal insan

Sahsiah muda berketrampilan

Harmoni dan seiringan

Kita menjana nilai dan skor

Dunia penuh cabaran

Kami sasar wawasan

Maju KMNS

GEMILANG TERUS TERBILANG "

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we’d see the day when nobody died
When nobody died…

[NICKELBACK's If Everyone Cared].nice one.

Feeling happy yet vulnerable.im not sure the exact state that gets me in the mood.one week holidays are finally over.and i dont actually count that as holidays.i cant get to see my friends as everyone doesnt actually hang out together.dont know why sume org cm xde mood nk gather2 je.hmm to pann,hazerq,teea,ainiraz and hanaa syg,im sorry.im afraid i cant be there at klia on the 14th or on the 5th.(eh 5th ke 4th?).im sending all the hugs,kisses and prayers to be with you peeps.so that u’ll all be good.hehe.ill be missing u guys like crazy here.i cant even remember when’s the last time i actually kissed and hugged u people.to my sisters that i love,dont forget to pray for us here in N9 matrix,all 5 of us (pudds zanox ieda izni n ayien),for our finals.perhaps,all matrix people.we’ll be out of there by april.i always hope things will work out perfectly.for everything happens,whether in good conditions or bad,lets think for the positive.may the bond that we’ve build will strengthen as time flies.to all memmbers of TAKEN soc,one advice :- DONT LEAVE UR FRIENDS OVER A…GUY?? isshh.kalau boleh biarlah kawan itu dahulu.hehe.fifa,april,oth marathon k.and peach,dont forget to tell me if ure not in the single soc nemore aite.u kinda have potentials in not belonging to this society.ngahahahaha.jkng.yea wutever.i know we dont need to get thru phones everyday.we connects thru here aite? *points to the heart*.now im off to kp again.hello books and classes.guess ill have to wait for another long hols to check out feefs,pch,klok,aber,fansue and others’ blogs as well.by that,i can actually feel im with them. (not practically of course).hooo-hoo.and yep i know ill have the same exact feeling after i get out of matrix this year.bcause my friends there are nice and theyve been real good to me all this while.(eventho some NOT).duh! and i noe it myself that i really really really hate that kinda feeling.the feeling of letting people go.as in,they’re moving far away of my life.have the sudden urge of wanting to go back to the prep-school and look at each other’s familiar faces.in fact i put our last day of spm as my primary photo.to dearest friends,eventho we’re far,lets just spend a minute in a day or a day in a week to really think about US.ok darls?i love u guys always.appreciate friends..the soul are vital to us.

"a little girl taught me,LOVE means letting go"

                                           —–CINTA,a Malay sutradara.

Sometimes

when we think too much about ourselves, we get exhausted and depressed. when we think too much about others, we get tired and stressed. when we expect too much in life, we think no one cares.

So

feel good about what u have. enjoy the good company around u.

And…

smell the roses while passing by. achieve ur goals and aim high. search the deepest truth in ur heart. treasure the precious company while being apart. take care of the heart and soul. true happiness is the ultimate goal. give smile tothe frowning faces. heal up the bruises. hope for the best. and cope with the rest.

"kalau hendak, pasti ada cara kan?"

"If at first you don’t succeed,Dust yourself off and try again.You can dust it off and try again.If at first you don’t succeed,You can dust it off and try again.Dust yourself off and try again"

—-TRY AGAIN,in remembrance of the late Aaaliyah.

no matter wut happened in our daily lives, the show must go on. when u take smthing very positive-ly.. everything will turn out to be good.so make full use of it. who knows,each failure that uve done might get u to the higher levels of living.chaiyok! but wuts the most important thng is just be urdelf.ur inner self makes u stands out in the crowd.(even if its not! haha) but trying to be like sumone else is definitely..CRAP.so usahlah.be wut u wanna be and do wut u like.prioritize ur goal and build good intentions.with real solid efforts,then ull achieve wut u want.my kawan baik said to me,it’s ok to ditch something i dont like after how many years ive been taking the whole i-dont-like subjects.wahwah.wutever.wut i noe is,for everything happens..theres always reasons.speaking of,i was chucked into silat the other day and yeap,i gt loads of good good good experience from it.the whole f2p8 students actually went to gng ldg n we actually mndaki gunung itu sehingga ke puncak! hehe.tiring but like a fren said,saket mmg la saket,,but the adventure will stick to the head until forever.my first ever mount-climbing.u shud go.ngeee.till then.

*psst.life must go on no matter wut yeah.

=)

it’s funny when u find urself looking from the outside.im standing here but all i want is to be over there.why did i let myself believe miracles could happen?cause now i have to pretend that i dont really care.i thought u were my fairytale,my dream when im not sleeping.a wish upon a star that’s coming throughbut everybody else could tell that i confused my feeling with the truth when there was me and u.

when there was me and u.was taken from the high school musical’s soundtrack.yeap.my current mood.counting the days for my semester one final exam’s results.and heck..this determines whether ill be continuing my institution ther in mtrx or,u noe,be kicked out from that place.hmm at dis moment,everything sounds pathetic.my life is in complete mess.people tend to take advantages from others.and friends (if dats wut they call it) ,are more likely to be unappreciative towards their peers.lets just be normal and treat each other well.it is not a sin at all for u to make new friends and wut not.but please dont ever break or losen the bond uve made with the old friends uve met bfore.as they say,make new friends,keep the old,one is silver and the other is gold.why can we just do it like..we usually used to?thers just no more smiles and hellos and also kinky 10 seconds jokes when we get across or even bumped over each other along the hallway.dat makes me feel awkward.am i hated?erh.dunt judge people by their looks.or by wut their parents’ occupations are.because those things cant buy the value of a friendship.noe wut im saying?im tired of pretending.sometimes i just let it up to be the whole real me but thats even make things worse.ive tried everything but it seems not working.and i dunno wut else to do.ive waited for so long.and all i can do now is..nothing.yeah do NOTHING.this demented mind is now possessed by the fear of..wut else?results.with the big capital R.thousands of butterfly in the stomach.pray to god is the best and only thing to do.and dats wut ive been doing.Allahuakbar.

Girls are not like apples on trees.The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are brave afraid of falling and getting hurt.Instead,they get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good, but easy.So the apples up top think something wrong with them when in reality they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

APA MASALAH APPLE NI?

yup but the point is there.

wutever.keep pride aite.

=)